Ages and Stages of Sharing

Most parents with more than one child are perplexed on how to encourage children to share. Parents need to understand that sharing is an acquired social skill and cannot be enforced on a child. There are ages and stages of every child’s life, so, how does the concept of sharing fit into the child’s development?

For toddlers, ages 13 to about 24 months everything within their sight is “theirs.” The concept of sharing is actually indirect conflict with their stage of development. Why? Toddlers have an inherent need to establish their own identity and control of their environment. It helps, therefore, if everything within their reach “belongs” to them. This enhances their sense of ownership.

Since sharing is an acquired concept the child will need good models to relate to as the concept of sharing becomes understandable. Parents are the child’s model for everything, so when Mom and Dad share things and use the word in their demonstration of sharing young children will pick up on the idea of what sharing is all about. When parents share in front of their own child and thank each other for whatever was shared (a cookie, reading the Sunday paper), they are helping their child build on the concept itself.

Parents can encourage sharing in many ways, but the first and most important manner is in establishing each child’s self-esteem in the family unit. Everyone within the family should have an equal amount of consideration regarding their feelings, wants and needs. That does not necessarily mean that one person always “gets their way” and wins, it means that everyone is treated equally during the simple decision making process. Boundaries and ownership can be clearly defined. The television, for example, belongs to no one. It is a family possession and family members can be encouraged to “take turns” in choosing which program the family will watch together.

When young children resist sharing, refrain from being critical. Instead, acknowledge that sharing can sometimes be difficult but remain firm in asking your child to share it with the other sibling or playmate. Ask your child first if you, the parent, can share the child’s toys with another sibling or playmate. This will make your child feel ownership and recognize that they are part of decision making.

Finally remember to express your appreciation for whenever your child shares their toys with you, a sibling or other playmates. Make the child feel proud for displaying appropriate behavior, and your child will soon move to a higher level of social and emotional development.